Money Blog: ‘He Made Me Eat Cheaper Brands Than Him and Said I’d Die in a Car Crash — But This Is Why I Couldn’t Leave’
An Inside Look at Economic Abuse and the Urgent Need for Government Action
By Smart Money Mindset
Amy* endured 25 years of control, violence, and economic abuse at the hands of her husband. Even as she feared for her life, it wasn’t until a doctor warned that her children were also at risk that she finally found the strength to leave. Yet, despite her determination, Amy, a former high-earning corporate director with a six-figure salary, was left financially powerless.
"What he did financially was to make sure that I became powerless. I was totally beholden to him," she reveals.
Understanding Economic Abuse
Amy’s story sheds light on a form of domestic abuse that often goes overlooked: economic abuse. This occurs when one partner controls or exploits the other’s access to money and resources—such as food, clothing, or transportation—in order to assert dominance and restrict independence.
A survey by the charity Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA) found that 15% of women had experienced economic abuse in the year leading up to November 2024. Extrapolated nationwide, this affects roughly 4.1 million people across the UK—mostly women.
The issue has caught the attention of political leaders, with Labour leader Keir Starmer calling economic abuse a “national emergency.” The government is preparing to unveil a new Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) strategy in the coming weeks, with hopes to halve violence against women and girls within a decade. This follows criticism that the 2021 Conservative-led strategy made “little progress,” as noted by the National Audit Office.
Amy’s Story: A Subtle Yet Devastating Control
When Amy met her ex-husband in the mid-1990s, he appeared “like a normal bloke.” But after their marriage and having children, his behaviour shifted drastically. He encouraged Amy to quit her job, relocate to a socially isolated area, and become a stay-at-home mom.
Rather than overtly controlling the finances, he kept family accounts secret and gave Amy a limited monthly allowance—enough to cover all household expenses except the mortgage, which was solely in his name. He carefully monitored even the groceries, ensuring Amy ate cheaper brands than he did. Her wardrobe was restricted, leaving her with no clothes suitable beyond the school run.
"It’s all about control," Amy explains. "It’s like a drug. He needs a supply of control to keep him going. The more control he has, the better he feels about himself. He uses money as a control tool."
He also terrorised Amy with threats, telling her, "I’m really comfortable with the idea of your death now. I think when you die it will be in a car crash." His threats weren’t empty—there were multiple incidents where Amy nearly lost her life. This sustained fear was a key reason she felt unable to leave.
The Cost Beyond Separation
Even after their marriage ended, Amy’s ex-husband continued to wield economic abuse. He prolonged divorce proceedings, draining her finances, inconsistently paid child maintenance, and used money to manipulate contact with their children—over whom Amy has full custody.
Sam Smethers, SEA’s chief executive, explains, "It’s more than just economic control—it’s a weapon used by abusers to trap victims and survivors, leaving them powerless, drowning in debt and often forced to choose between staying trapped with a dangerous abuser or destitution." She urges that economic abuse be prioritised in government strategies and support services.
Government Response and Next Steps
Jess Phillips, the safeguarding and violence against women and girls minister, acknowledged the devastating impact of economic abuse. She highlighted a £160 million allocation for local authorities to provide safe accommodation and easier access to social housing for victims—without the need to prove local connection.
The government has also pledged continued funding for charities like SEA, which raise awareness and support victims of economic abuse. Phillips confirmed that more details will be outlined in the forthcoming VAWG strategy.
Signs of Domestic Abuse and Getting Help
Recognising signs of domestic abuse, including economic abuse, is critical. The NHS website offers resources for those seeking help, and organisations such as Samaritans provide emotional support (UK helpline 116 123; email [email protected]).
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship and needs support, reaching out to specialised charities or professional services can be life-changing.
Note: Amy’s name has been changed to protect her identity.
About the Author
Smart Money Mindset is dedicated to providing insightful coverage on personal finance, including the intersections of money and wellbeing. This report highlights the profound impact of economic abuse and underscores the urgent need for comprehensive government action to protect and empower survivors.
Additional Resources
- Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA): www.survivingeconomicabuse.org
- NHS Domestic Abuse Support: www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/domestic-abuse-getting-help/
- Samaritans Helpline: 116 123 (UK) | 1 (800) 273-TALK (US)
Stay tuned for Smart Money Mindset’s upcoming in-depth feature on economic abuse and the new government VAWG strategy, set to launch this autumn.